We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
