Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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