Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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