i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
