LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
