Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
