I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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