I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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