too bad you live with your parents still
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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