Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
