Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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