I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
