mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Randomize
