it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
