You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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