How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
There's always time for handjobs
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
