I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
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So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
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I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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