I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
