The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
