I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
