i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
