My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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