are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
When are your genitals available?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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