Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
