My friends, they love my intelligence
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Randomize
