At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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