I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
