as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
