I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
