consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
