i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
