apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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