I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
