she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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