okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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