Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
