I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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