ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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