I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
