Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
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Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
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It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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