Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
