In the future we'll all be gay
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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