2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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