WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
false alarm. still invincible.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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