i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
