He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
