id be glad to
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
