I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
