No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
