She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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