Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
