Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
