you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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