If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
