it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize