Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
