Do you still have your period?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
