i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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