see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
