I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
