To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The Olympian is in my bed
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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