well I can't set my house on fire every night
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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