I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She needs sedatives and a leash
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
